I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
