who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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