so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he thought i was a dude.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
