tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
