Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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