I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
