Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
