Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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