Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize