The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
