3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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