Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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