i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
