How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
