I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
