Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
