so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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