When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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