Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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