he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize