Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
