12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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