My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
