Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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