You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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