ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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