I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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