"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
