did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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