It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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