Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
