This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
