No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
