4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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