suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
