duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
