Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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