rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
