I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
