yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
