My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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