This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
