Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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