No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
