Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
