i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
