Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
