just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just googled if crying burns calories
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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