You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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