I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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