wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
