I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
being pregnant is like rehab
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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