I'm going to jail i love you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
