This is not my ceiling
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
