hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
