just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
