In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
soo... how was my night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
