oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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