i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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