I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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