Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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