I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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