hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
