She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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