We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize