Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
