my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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