I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
