Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
