Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize