so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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