hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
